Two Ways to Play

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to."
"I don't much care where –"
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."
— Lewis Carroll (Alice in Wonderland)

I like things to be completely unstructured. If there is a structure, I tend to fight it and that is no way to engage in an activity like this. However, I know also that some actually do like structure. They like it a lot. In fact, it clarifies the rules of engagement somehow. So for this latter group, I am going to attach just a little bit of structure around this game…as an option. There is absolutely no requirement to play this way. But the structured play might give you some ideas anyway.

Every week, I will post some theme of risk taking.

On Sunday night, every week, I will post some kind of risk-taking theme for that week. Then, every morning, starting on Monday morning, I will post suggestions and ideas for pursuing a rejection based on that theme. We begin tomorrow, so I will post this week’s theme right now…and activities relating to it starting tomorrow morning.

Theme for Week One: Rejection from Someone You Know

This week, we will be focusing on your immediately available network or community. The level of play is up to you, as always. But remember the goal is to really take chances. The goal is not to make others uncomfortable…but to give them the space to give you a firm rejection. You may let people in on the idea of the game AFTER you have received your rejection if you like. And it must be a solid and honest attempt, meaning, you must accept the gift/service/date that you have asked for if you do not get a rejection. Do not ask someone to go to lunch with you and then say “Nevermind.” if they accept. Ask only for things you are willing to accept.

This week is going to be a bit tricky. You will have to think carefully because many people in our “network” are very willing to do all kinds of crazy things for us. In order to receive a rejection, you will have to think about who the right person is to ask.

Suggested activities for this theme will come out every morning this week. Remember, you should not be asking people who will give you a rejection just because they know you are playing.

As a reminder, don’t forget that the suggestions this week are OPTIONAL. You do not have to do it this way in order to get points or to win.

Have fun with this.

Xo,

Kimberley

Four Ways to Win at Being Rejected

“Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence. Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear. Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps different action or adjustments will have to follow. But any action is better than no action at all.” Norman Vincent Peale

There are so many intrinsic rewards for taking chances…for just putting yourself out there. You will naturally see things in your life shift as you become bolder and see how resilient you are.

But I promised prizes too, and there will be prizes.

First, the categories…I wanted this contest to be a little more substantial than just a straightforward points-based game. I hate the way contests are set up generally. Either they are so random that it seems ridiculous, or they are set up so that the person with the most time will naturally win it. But what if you just play one day, but you manage to task a chance on something that scares the daylights out of you…shouldn’t that count? So, here are the categories:

The Postman Award…Cause you deliver. This is the one purely point-based prize. The one with the most points wins. You get one point for every day you intentionally seek, and receive, a rejection. Plus, there will opportunities to earn extra points along the way. Simple.

People’s Choice Award. This will be voted on by your Rejection Therapy peers. I am not establishing the criteria for this one…so you’d best bring your game and make it show. Obviously, you have to post on the Rejection Therapy Facebook group page to win this one.

Epic Fail (at getting rejected). This award is based solely on my own judgment. I am looking for the most incredible story of you seeking a rejection and gaining an opportunity instead. What that means is that you take a wild chance at asking for something that you can’t possibly imagine receiving…and then you get it. Equals a fail at the game…but a MAJOR WIN in your life.

The Wince-Worthy Award. This one will go to the rejection that is the most cringe-worthy. This is again, based solely on my judgment, though I will be factoring in comments as they are shared. You are free to send me these stories via email though, if they are just too brutal to share publicly. You should get something for putting it out there so boldly.

Now the prizes:

The Postman. For you…who play full out for the victory of a significant point spread…you receive a party to celebrate your focus and determination. You will receive an awesome party box from Saint Cupcake, delivered straight to your door, to celebrate in style. Includes:

• 12 Cupcakes with all the trimmings
• Some funky poms 
• A sprinkle scope

Check out this link and watch those points.

People’s Choice. If the people choose you…you get to make a choice of your own. Choose a gift from the selection below:

• Customized Mystery Gift for you.
• Etsy gift card for $50. Supporting other people who are making a go of it and risking rejection.
• Subscription to online resources…will have to work with you to determine which and for how long, dependant on cost and access. 

Epic Fail (at getting rejected). If you find yourself the winner of this category, you get an award that will move you toward that opportunity that opened up for you. You will receive a gift certificate to an online course called Mondo Beyondo, where you will dive deep into long forgotten dreams and plans and bring them up to the surface again. Here is the link for more information on that one.

The Wince-Worthy. If you make me wince...if you put it out there enough to get this award, you get your choice of gift to yourself to heal your wounded ego and get you back into the game. You will get a $100 gift certificate to an online retailer of your choice.

These are not insubstantial prizes…but you are really going to have to play.

Mice Type: I am not giving just straight cash. So don’t even ask. This is a gift…a surprising and unexpected gift to you. Practice receiving.

The spoils will go only to the bold, my friends.

Be bold.

XO,
Kimberley

P.S. Sign up now, before we start tomorrow! Email me or leave a comment.

The Rejection Therapy, 2011 Rules of Engagement

OK, so here are more of the details for the play of the game…

1. We will officially start playing on 01/24/2011. (That’s Monday)
2. The game will run for four weeks. Twenty eight days to rack up some rejection points.
3. You get a point for every day you successfully receive a rejection. But it has to be one you sought out…not an incidental one.
4. Every day I will post some ideas for rejection seeking. You don’t have to use any of these ideas…they are just thought provokers and idea generators.
5. In order to get credit for a rejection…you must share! Send me the ugly details. If you don’t want to share publicly…no big. But you have to send them to me. Post them on the wall of the Facebook group…email them to me. Message them to me on Facebook. Whatever works for you.
6. No fakey “oh, I asked my sister for a dollar and she said no” kinda stuff. It only counts if you are stepping outside your comfort zone…even a little bit.
7. It is kinda an honor system…so don’t mess with it. Play right. Karma sucks. Karma with an Irish Pirate…don’t ask.

Every day, I will attempt to pick some rejectoid for the “Rejector Seat.” This will be totally at my discretion. I will be looking for the boldest rejection attempt and rewarding it with one extra point for that day.

I will be keeping track of point totals on a spreadsheet. Those who know me know that I must be very very serious about this if I am willing to use a spreadsheet. And I am.

Here are some things that can make this experience a little more fun (yes, fun. I really believe putting yourself out there is fun once you get into it).

• Request to be added to the formal Facebook Rejection Therapy page. Share the triumphant rejection of thousands. (you can find the link at the top of this page)
• Buy a wall calendar, Jerry Seinfeld style, and stick it up to track your progress…check out the story on this here. He practiced his own form of Rejection Therapy, and you can see the results.
• Play full out and play to win. Throw yourself into this.
• There are prizes…there will be four awarded, and they will not be pathetic. You want ‘em. Trust me. More on that as details progress.

A note about rejection:
What constitutes a bold rejection will mean something different for different people. You will know what a bold step is for you and you will not be judged for what you consider to be a bold step. The goal is to step outside of YOUR comfort zone and take a chance. And that is different for everyone.

 

Come play with us.

 

He who is not everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

 

Xo,
Kimberley

"And the Trouble is...

...if you don't risk anything, you risk even more." Erica Jong


Risk.

This is a tough one. We got so many messages growing up about being safe…cemented for years by stories of people who risk everything and lose. People around us “tsk tsk” and shaking their head when people do something “foolhardy.” Every risky thing I have ever wanted to do in my life was inevitably met with a chorus of “how do you expect to support yourself?” “There are already people doing that…what is different about you?” “Do you have the right experience for that?” and my personal favorite “Maybe you should just do that as a hobby.”

The result of this kind of culture is “calculated” risk taking. Making sure the odds are weighted heavily in our favor before taking the chance. We figure the rejection or failure is a little too scary. Best to think everything through.

We are at an interesting moment in the history of the world. Things have never moved as quickly…or accelerated as wildly, as they are doing right now. The resources we have access to are unprecedented (financial, information, people, etc.), and yet we do not feel empowered to take the steps we want to take to change our lives or the lives of others. We have unprecedented access to the widest range of community than any generation before us, but we are nervous about reaching out to them…and suspicious when others we don’t know reach out to us.

Rejection and risk need to be put in the place they belong…helpers to the process…something necessary to get to the other side.

So, how about a game then? With prizes even!

Monday starts my version of The Rejection Therapy Game! You can read more about the premise on this website. It is a rather simple game. Every day you do something that takes you outside of your comfort zone, and risk rejection in the process. I am inviting all my friends to enter this experience with me.

Over the weekend, I will tell you more about the game…AND the prizes. In the meantime, message me to add you to my closed Facebook group for the challenge.

In the meantime, think about it. Comment if this sounds like something your soul needs. You have nothing to lose but your fear.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. “

Nelson Mandela

Tony Curtis

When I was a little girl, I was OBSESSED with old movies. Well, the comedies anyway. I saw them all. I loved Betty Hutton, Bob Hope, Marilyn Monroe, Bing Crosby…I loved them all…even Danny Kaye. Tony Curtis was on my list. He was cute and was silly enough to wear a dress in Some Like it Hot. And my young mind was unencumbered by all the faults of alcoholism and drug abuse and whatever. Those were invisible to me. He was just fun.

I went to France to go to school for a year when I was 17. I was trying so hard to be cool, but everything was new and I was not cool. Probably not for a single moment while I was over there. I learned a lot about myself…but one of the big things I began to become aware of while I was there was that I was closer to the fumbling around slapstick style glamour of those old movies I loved than the sophisticated bored glamour of the film and music stars of my day. I have totally settled into that now, but I was just figuring it out then and it was slow going.

I dragged two of my friends with me to the Cannes film festival that year. Somehow I was expecting the streets to be absolutely littered with movie stars. I had seen the pictures in the gossip magazines. We would see them in cafes and on the beach and walking down the street. Strangely, we saw almost no one. Almost.

On a side street we took to cut through to the main drag I spotted Tony Curtis walking down the street. It was just us and him. The rest of this tiny little back street was empty. Without thinking I yelled out “Mr. Curtis!” My heart was racing a mile a minute. He certainly looked a lot older than I remembered…but he still carried himself like a movie star and it was unmistakably him. I wanted to tell him how much his movies had meant to me as a kid. I wanted to tell him how cool I thought it was that it seemed like he did not take himself too seriously. I wanted to tell him that of all the movie stars I could have stumbled upon in Cannes that year, this unexpected meeting was far and away the most exciting one that could have occurred for me and that I could return to my dorm completely satisfied that I had met him. He turned toward the sound of my voice and I panicked. I jumped into a doorway and he did not see me.

I don’t tend to regret a lot about my life. What has happened has brought me to where I am and I rather like where I am. But I do regret that moment. I have no idea why I panicked. I am not typically afraid of approaching people. I have actually met and talked to some serious movie stars since then and it was not that big of a deal. But this was Tony Curtis. He was a little unreal to me. I just could not hold it together.

Tony Curtis died yesterday. And, of the many deaths of people I have grown up watching, this one hits me just a little bit harder than most.

That was me on the back street in Cannes, Mr. Curtis. I just wanted to say thank you.



Kimberley

Vancouver is Lovely

What a vapid start to this entry…but there it is. And it is true. I swear I don't think I have ever been to a lovelier city than Vancouver.

There is no arguing the beauty. Across the Pacific, tall mountains tower over the water that is as deep as they are high. Colorful flowers I have never seen before grow a bit wild here in the summer. Dense hedgerows cloister homes along the main boulevards. Waterscapes and art are built up around the city belying a culture clearly in love with the aesthetic. Perhaps inspired by the art of nature there.

And the people are nice. Like, really nice. And not in that “duh-i-have-to-be-nice-to-you-because-you-are-the-customer” kind of way. The way they are nice feels like a habit. Like something they do involuntarily, like breathing. Even the street people begging for money are gentle, “maybe you will have some change on your way back?”

The rains are gentle. The cold is gentle. The newspaper headlines are gentle. It is a nice place to rest.

It did not occur to me until last night what I was missing in this place. I could not figure out why I felt so uncomfortable there. Then it hit me. I had not heard anyone laugh since I arrived. No one. I was constantly in meetings…on trains…in crowds…in restaurants…in shops. No one laughed. No one erupted in anger. I saw no one who was clearly unhappy.

I am not suggesting that my four days in Vancouver represents a complete picture of the city. In that time, I realize that my experiences are extremely superficial and can only represent my personal snapshot from the pieces of the city I visited. But I leave here today feeling a little odd. I wonder how long a fiery person like me would last in the kind of world that, at least in my small impression of it, did not appear to have a lot of emotional variance going on. At least publicly.

Still, it was nice to rest. And I really did feel peaceful in this lovely city.

xo,
K

Am I as Brave as Issa?

I am a sucker for a story. Even if a movie is terrible, it takes an act of congress to get me to walk out of it…I have to know the end of the story. This is why I am addicted to blogs. I long for people’s stories. I check my regulars every day and am always looking for new ones. Some make me laugh. Some make me think. Others make me feel. The ones that make me feel are my favorites. Today it is Issa who has me thinking.

Issa does not exactly write as much as she opens her heart and pours her feelings into her blog. Reading her blog feels almost too personal…like I am reading her diary. Her pain is right there…right up front. So is her love, longing, joy…whatever she is feeling. She is not a clever writer…I have never read a witty turn of phrase from her. Yet she has many many followers, because she is completely there. People identify with her because she is real.

It occurs to me today that I write to entertain, not connect, and I hate this. It is not that I think there is anything wrong with entertaining, but it is not what connects us…human being to human being. And it is not who I am. I am wildly emotional. I work hard every day to restrain as much of my crazy emotional life as I possibly can. Virtually our whole lives are spent packaging ourselves for how we want to be seen. And all of us for a secret longing to really know who everyone is. To really KNOW them. I believe this guarding of our own truth is responsible for our lack of real connection. It’s not that we are alone, there are people all around us, it’s that we are not authentic enough to connect to.

My challenge to myself now is, can I put down years of messaging to “hold my tongue?” Can I just make a decision to stick my neck out and write what I feel? Can I show you my shadow? Can I share my dark side? The parts of me that embarrass me? Am I brave enough to do that? Am I as brave as Issa?

Cool New Learning Model

I am such a geek.

This fall I am participating in an online “course” (quotes used intentionally) in personal learning environments. The course, which looks different than anything I have ever seen, is sponsored by the Technology Enhanced Knowledge Research Institute at Athabasca University. It is delivered online to explore and clarify Personal Learning Environments and Personal Learning Networks.

I have no idea what they are talking about. But the course design is blowing me over. You will have to go to their site to really get the big picture…but here is a snapshot of how it will work:

1. They will send LOTS of content. LOTS. You are not expected to read or view it all. You are expected to pick and choose based on your interest level.

2. Keep track of what you have read/viewed with your ideas on it somewhere. This can be as simple as a list or you can track it online with a blog, twitter, facebook…whatever.

3. Then, periodically, you create something new from all the stuff you have been reading/viewing. You put the pieces together. You come up with connections.

4. Feed forward. Then you share your “something new.” However you want to.

I found it in a blog by my fave learning genius (after Tina, of course), Jay Cross. If you are not reading his blog…you should be.



He is taking it too, btw.

I am actually giddy about this. And this is the way I do everything. Here is something new. I stumble onto it then dive into it without even checking to see if I have the right gear. We shall see. This looks like fun. In any case, it is INCREDIBLY different and I am all about that. Different is good. Change is good.

Check it out and then come join me and Jay.

xo

I Need Your Brains On This One

A dear friend of ours is in the hospital. She is not ill, her father had a stroke (or two) and she is staying with him. There is so much involved here that it is exhausting to think about going into in this note…suffice it to say that it is virtually impossible to be of any help to her or her family whatsoever.

We work with her too, so we have 21 people asking us daily what they can do. Tina’s mom is friends with the family as well, so there are requests to support from that angle too. And we are not even in contact with all their friends…the church…the community…you get the idea.

The thing is, I know she and her mom need stuff. There is so much stuff weighing on them right now that they just cannot figure out how to offload any of it. Really what they need is an “assistance coordinator.” Someone to come in and figure out what they need and coordinate it.

“Looks like you need someone to hang out with your daughter for an hour and a half once a day while you commute back and forth from the hospital.”

“Looks like you need someone to wait in line for you to turn in those forms.”

“Looks like maybe you need someone to make up a basket of easy-to-eat foods in a basket that you can just pick up and swallow whole for times when the nurses come in and you can have a 3 second break.”

“How about someone does your laundry?”


Things like that. Because organizing and writing down a list of things people can help you with is daunting…and then you have to ask. Why has no one ever thought of this?

How about you? You got any ideas for me? Everyone out there who has ever been in a situation where you could not begin to imagine how to wrap your head around what you need and ask for it…now’s the time.

What can I do for my friend? What have we not thought of?

xo

...then I tell two friends, and so on, and so on...

I got my hair cut and colored today.

As I write that I am wondering what that statement brings up in you. Getting my hair done is always a very sensory rich experience. It verges more on entertainment than simple cosmetic maintenance.

My quietly alt hair personality is created in a funky little house in the Heights in Houston by Sharon. Sharon’s room is bathed in natural light, so if there is artificial light (and I imagine there is) I don’t remember it. It is pretty, but not spa-like. So you feel a little pampered, but not like you should have brought your purse dog with you and gotten her hair dyed to match.

I walk out with my hair impossibly soft falling against my face. It is wonderful. I love the feeling of swingy newly cut hair.


(What you can’t really see in this shot is that my highlights are burgundy. I love them.)

I once heard a story on This American Life about someone shaving their head. The way he described it was amazing. The feel of the breeze on skin that has never felt the breeze… the rush of water over an exposed scalp…the sensation associated with exposing skin that has never been exposed. He did it on a lark for a story and now does it once a year to recapture the feeling. I think my jaw was dropped the whole time. It sounded incredible. I wish I had the guts. I swear the thought brings tears to my eyes.

(By the way, if someone has heard what I am talking about and has a link to the story…I would be sooooo grateful for the hookup.)

Would you shave your head for the sensation alone?

A Yellow Balloon

Today I was in a meeting on the 26th floor of what used to be the Enron building. I was in a meeting with some pretty serious folks talking about some pretty corporatey stuff. Ten of us in the room and four people joining the meeting via conference call and some online collaborative tool. I was talking through a presentation and guiding the team through a series of questions to refine the content when a yellow balloon floated by the window. It floated between our building and the building right next door. I stumbled over my words and was grateful when a conversation started without me at the table for a moment so I could watch the balloon drift by. I was the only one who saw it…at least the only one in our room. It occurs to me now to wonder how many people saw it in other offices in either building as it drifted up between us.

It was like something in a movie. I could see the balloon and the reflection of the balloon in the glass in the opposite building. Everything all glass and steel around us, except for that balloon. It was beautiful.

I wish I worked in the kind of world where I could have stopped the meeting, stood up and shouted “Oh My God! Look! How cool!” But I don’t. I am respected for what I do, but what I do is not considered to be very important in the big scheme of things. In fact, it is considered to be a little “touchy feely” by many. One moment of “Lookie lookie! A balloon!” could totally seal the deal on that. So I sat, grateful for the chair I had chosen at the table, relieved I was able to resist jumping to my feet with excitement and thrilled to have had the opportunity to see a yellow balloon floating by on this very serious day.

Wild Weather and Grandfathers

Three nights ago I laid down on the ground and watched the lightening light up the clouds above me. I have been wishing for storms lately. Not rain. Storms. The kind of weather that puts everyone on edge. Big crashes of thunder. Electricity lighting up a dark, wet sky. Wind that howls until it matches the wildest pain you have ever felt. Heavy drops of rain that almost sound like hail as they fall on your roof, your grill, the leaves on the trees.

There was no storm that night.

The ground was not even wet that I lay on, though we enjoyed a respectable little downpour not five miles away at dinner. I laid down in the grass and wondered how much time goes between me feeling the ground on some part of my skin. Between shoes, floors and concrete…how much do I really feel of the ground?

Looking up into the gentle show of the sky, I remembered a time sitting on the front porch with my Grandfather in Florida. He loved the weather and was mesmerized at how, from the vantage point of his front porch, he could watch the electrical storms cross the sky in the distance. I felt it too. It was so beautiful and intense.

So, I let my thoughts go to him completely. It’s funny how you can miss someone more as you grow older. There are parts of him I understand more now that I could have possibly understood then. And many more parts that I am sad I missed knowing as an adult. He died when I was in high school. I thought about that too.

I realize I don’t really know what he was like. I am piecing together the impressions of a child and guessing what that means. I could ask, I know. But no one could possibly tell me what I would have noticed about him as an adult. Only I could know that…if I had the luxury of knowing. But tonight I allowed myself the space to guess.

And tonight I am thinking about him again. Sitting in our new house I am thinking I would so love to call him up on the phone and celebrate the storm bearing down on us. If I could find the whiskey in this mess of boxes, I would break it out and raise a glass to a real mess of a storm…and to my grandfather, who taught me to love the drama of big skies and wild weather.

A few years ago there was a movie called Uptown Girls.



I LOVED this movie. Probably because I am that little girl and I need the Brittany Murphy character to teach me how to relax and play. (RIP Brittany)

Tina has had a very big job of trying to get me to be more playful. Not easy. But help is on the way. And it rides in tomorrow morning.

In honor of Dream Lab starting tomorrow, I am posting my Mondo Beyond list from March.

That’s right…all three of you who read this blog (yes, I am counting myself) will see what Mondo Beyondo made me realize I want to do. For the one of you who does not know about Mondo Beyondo…it is about dreaming big. Not the small “wouldn’t-it-be-nice-to-find-the-perfect-pair-of-flats-on-sale” dreaming. Jen and Andrea had me dreaming of things that made me giggle and blush a little.

I am putting this list down now because I am going to play. Jen and Andrea are going to give me back my mojo with Dream Lab. They promised. And I trust them.

My Mondo Beyondo List (abbreviated, but important, version)
• Live with the kids in another country for at least a year (this one totally threw me off guard)
• Complete and utter financial security forever so that I can live boldly, give freely and not worry
• Become silly and wildly playful (that is this summer’s assignment)
• Marry Tina legally
• Free up the writer in me so I can create things I am thrilled with instead of just making clients happy
• Become someone I wish I knew
• Dramatically reduce my worklife (this is in progress)
• Write and get published

The point of the list is to be dramatic…to think of things you have absolutely NO IDEA how to manifest. There is sssssooooo much more to the course, but I am not interested in killing the drama of discovery. Do your heart a favor and find out for yourself what it wants.

XO

summertime and the living is easy...right?

I need a summer.

And I do not mean this in a “I-need-a-vacation-and-wish-I-was-back-in-elementary-school” kind of way. I mean that my inspiration is drying up. I mean that anything that requires creative thinking at work is now taking me four times as long and that makes me sad. I mean I am burning out and I badly need to fill my coffers.

This February I did something bizarre…at least for me. OK, I actually did a lot of bizarre things, but I am specifically talking about an online course I took in dreaming big. I went in voluntarily, but honestly thought it was going to be too soft and airy fairy for me. I went into it thinking I was going to be rolling my eyes through the whole thing. Looking back, I do not think I was as cynical as I thought I was…I mean, I invested time in it…I must have thought it had some worth.

And it did. It has changed everything for me. That course was Mondo Beyondo. I found some more of myself in that class. I am still working with all that.

But I am bogged down right now. There is too much heaviness. I need a summer. And, miraculously enough, Jen and Andrea have created something called Dream Lab...just in time. It starts Monday. I am so in.

The thing that makes their course work for me is that it is not all “HEY! You are valuable and you can do it!” There is only so much of that I can stomach. I need something I can do…something I can apply to my life. Mondo Beyondo had exercises and assignments that really excavated things for me. And I mean “FOR ME.” I found out things about me despite myself during that class.

I cannot wait for this one to start. I can already feel myself running through the sprinklers, getting grass all over my feet. Come join me...I am thinking about dragging out the Slip and Slide!


xo

The Gulf Between Us

Tina and I are gnawing ourselves from the inside out over the disaster in the gulf. We have gone from mocking the bizarrely and stunningly inappropriate remarks from everyone in the BP camp to letting the reality of what is happening to the body of life just south of us.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in the insanity that is the business and the politics of what is going on. While we are screaming about money and penalties there is so much life dying in the gulf that it boggles the mind. I cannot even really comprehend the damage, and not just because we are not being shown all of it.

Don't get me wrong. I know we must have discussion about penalties, payments, blame. I know that the circus stage on which our politicians parade around trying to make a name for themselves on our tragedy must be played out. I know that the idiots in charge at BP must be publicly humiliated. I know.

But I am frustrated at the arm waving and the well-meaning, but directionless people. Where are our inspiring leaders? Who can we follow? It is hard for me to get in my car, fill it up and drive to the beach to participate in a protest against offshore drilling when I know I have to get back into my gas guzzling car to drive home. I can't fully participate in that kind of halfway thinking.

Where are the people who will direct us to something to fight FOR? Has this crisis created enough momentum that we can now find someone to follow who will guide us on how to draw attention when research and development into alternative fuels is being eliminated by any large company? Is there someone who will shine a light and leverage this disaster to highlight the numerous times progress toward incredible fuel efficiency or cheaper solutions for fuel have been lobbied away by car manufacturers who do not want to retool their factories? Will someone march us to these leaders and lead us to wail publicly at hastening the demise of a living ecosystem that sustains us in so many ways?

Where are our leaders? Where is the inspiration? Where is the heart in any of this? I just cannot rally behind a bunch of statistics.

Wherein Strangers Distract Me and Make Me Less Agitated

OK. I am better now. Because there are other people who are so confused that they would not even know something was different if it jumped up and bit them on the cheek. (Grant used to do that)

I am sitting right next to a couple who I am fairly sure are not a couple at all, so I do not know why I wrote that. Except that it is a guy and a girl sitting together talking about things like “Are you going to take all the cat toys and cat tower and stuff?” and “we have the big one, and I know we want to keep that one because we got a good deal on it. But do we really need the two little ones?” – and this is where she starts acting like she has no idea what he is talking about and they get a little snippy and says she wants to keep the big one in the bedroom and that he has plenty of room for the cat toys. So, voila. There it is. They are in a relationship.

But then she tells him that she never knows if he wants her to introduce him to her friends…and he says no, because he understands that they are bigoted against straight men, which she denies. And then he is asking all kinds of relationship advice, which I think is weird to ask someone you are in a relationship with…but whatever. But this is not even the biggest problem. She is not even asking the obvious question…”who is telling you my friends are bigoted against straight men?” or even “what? Bigoted against straight men? Are you an idiot?” I so wanted her to ask this question. I almost slipped it to her on a slip of paper, but I did not have one.

Dude just said that English is ghetto. WTF? I need to find some paper to write her some notes.

The Quickening

In the Highlander movie, there is something called “The Quickening.” It is where the immortal awakens to the existence of all the other immortals and realizes who they are really. Where they belong. How they are connected. At least, this is what I have read. I did not see the movie. In any case, whether or not this is what the movie was about…I like this as a concept.

Today, this term “the quickening” has been rumbling around in my head like mad. I would so like to be able to tell you what this means. It would be nice to have a tidy post about why this came into my mind today. Instead, I can only tell you how I feel. And I feel bizarre.

What this feels like for me today is that I am exhausted beyond my ability to think straight and extremely agitated at the same time. I lie down to rest because I am overcome and I am kept awake by my mind racing. This is not your run-of-the-mill anxiety. This is something else entirely. It feels vaguely exciting, like I am heading into some wild ride. Like I am clicking along up the scariest roller coaster imaginable. Only, I don’t really know I am on a roller coaster. And I think you are on this ride with me…all of you.

What I do know for sure is that I am transitioning…a lot. I am moving toward something more sustainable for me. I think maybe we all are. I am not entirely sure what that is going to look like…or if I am going to be able to put my hands up in the air when the real ride begins…but I am having the butterflies in the belly thing. And it is about time. Wow, that’s right…it’s about time.

I am ready for The Quickening. Are you?

Morgan in Trouble

We are goin all Dog Whisperer around here.

A little over a week ago, Morgan attacked a smaller dog that surprised her (and me)in our driveway. Morgan was on a retractible lead, so was the chihuahua she jumped at. It was pretty scary, and the little dog escaped with the toothmark in the chest and a scraped belly. I gave the woman my card and let her know we would gladly pay for the vet bills. I was profusely apologetic. And felt sick that night trying to figure out what to do.

The apartment complex calls the next day (we are temporarily in an apartment until the end of the school year) and tells us we need to get rid of the vicious German Sheppard and that we are in violation of the lease. For those of you who do not know Morgan:



Come on. A German Sheppard? And I received a tight little email from her with the doctor bill. She is being nasty.

I am having a hard time with this. I was not the least bit resistant to giving her all the information she needed to get in touch with me. I immediately offered to pay the medical expenses. I genuinely had great concern for this dog and had already put things in motion to get Morgan into some kind of training program (this is the first time she has done anything like this). And Morgan mostly scared the dog. There was not even any blood. But now I am thinking I need to get a lawyer or something to make sure I am not signing on for a lifetime of this stuff with this woman. If I send a check, is that me accepting full accountability, even though her dog was relatively loose on a retractible lead right next to my car? If the dog develops some kind of sickness later, is this license to come back to me and blame this incident?

The horrible thing to me is that her actions have made me feel much less concerned about her and her dog and made me defensive about ours. Running to the leasing office to tell them we had a vicious sheppard living with us (her words)? Refusing to accept even the slightest bit of accountability for letting her dog run right up to our car? Sending me an ugly note with the bill? It has suddenly become a matter of trust with me. And I do not trust her.

I want to write her a note to tell her all of this. I want her to know that there are consequences to behaving the way she does and what could have been a very simple transaction is now more complex. I want to let her know that I am struggling to feel any compassion for her, given that she clearly has none for anyone else involved here.

I am still glad the chihuahua is fine. Too bad about her owner.

xo

My Response to the Question at Hand

I started a contest this week to start a conversation. I have so loved the responses I am getting and I realized this evening that I have not actually done my own work publicly to share with everyone. So, tonight I am laying it all out there.

I am a communication and learning strategist to the oil and gas industry. I consult with project owners and managers for large oil and gas companies on how to communicate with their people and help their people do their job. Prior to this, my background was in marketing…my clients were financial companies, oil and gas companies, and a smattering of companies in other fields. But mostly I work and have worked in service to oil and gas. I live in Houston, Texas, after all. The town lives and breathes oil and gas. Figuratively and literally.

I love how my knowledge is applied now. I am not a big fan of marketing and have become much less of a fan since I watched a Bill Hicks riff on it a few years ago (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDW_Hj2K0wo, forewarned…there is ugly language). I truly believe marketing has made us, as a culture, unable to make a decision on anything else but packaging and marketing. I despise my role in it…but I digress.

I love my clients now. I have always loved my clients, even in marketing. They are good people, just trying to do their job. I really believe that. I want them to be successful. It makes me happy to help them. Their individual goals are really good ones…they want to connect with their people and help them do their job well. They really do.

I love the people I work with too. I realize that my work in the organization supports the work they do and that we all need each other to be successful. They are supporting families too. I like that we have a really wonderful culture of people supporting each other in our collective work. It is an amazing feeling to go into work every day with this group. No joke. I am very lucky.

My work stretches me too. I am pushing the limits of what I know and I what I can learn. It is exciting to me to be learning so much. I love being challenged this way. Some of my work comes very easy as well, which is a good balance for me. I am also lucky in this.

There is a darker side too though. I drive 30 miles back and forth to work every day, releasing toxins into an environment that is already terrible (Houston is not known for its air quality). I am supporting clients in large companies. Large companies who must support a bottom line, regardless of the impact on the world. The work I do is to help people put their heart into their work and bond as a community over the effort. Good for the individuals, but is this good if the mission of the company is ultimately problematic?

I am not sure what to do with this information. I am trying to figure it out. I really am looking to build community around the questions and thinking. I need the brilliance of the crowd with me. I am not sure we can figure out our future alone.

I hope this helps more of you enter into the conversation. I am coming at this from a humble place. I do not believe I am operating in a clearly noble pursuit, as I have expressed in this post. Enter the conversation. Or, if you already have, has anything I have written here sparked anything for you?

Where are you?

xo

Contest!!!

I am launching an uncontest! It may be the start of some kind of regular thing…depends on how this goes.

The contest will run until the end of this week (4/25/09). The challenge is this…

1. Think about the ultimate impact of your work – positive and negative.
2. Write a brief note to me that indicates that you stretched your brain cells
3. Receive a gift.

And while this is not a giant gift of significant import, it is something real, surprising and hand-chosen for you (because I know you)…not a Facebook button or Facebook Karma. For some of you, I will need your address.

To get into the mood, look at this 3 minute clip from the 80s




Think about the impact of your work on a larger scale – what is it in service too? Who benefits from your labor? What is the ultimate cost of what you produce? Think creatively and write me a note showing me you did your thinking. I’m doing it too and I will share back.

I have a little present with your name on it. Whatcha got for me?